When I was a senior in high school many years ago, I wrote a column for our high school newspaper.
I once wrote a similar piece to the one below as I recuperated from the flu.
I did not keep a copy, but I scratched a similar one together recently and am submitting it to see if you find it worthy.
It was submitted by my teacher to the International Honor Society for High School Journalists.
Did you ever hear of it? I was awarded a membership for it, and still have the lapel pin for it:
THE USS INFLUENZA
Before flu shots were available, we could count on coming down with a bout of the flu at least once each winter. Recuperating one time, I lay there thinking it was like going on a cruise. We’d set sail on the USS Influenza from the Port of Wellness and cruise for several days until we reached the shores of Queasy Stomach.
Gamely, we’d go ashore and visit shops and partake of the local cuisine. The next day, as we again set sail, we’d alight at the next port of call Wobbly Knees. We were told not to miss the inactive volcano called Regurgitate, but the locals named it with the more common sobriquet that begins with the letter V.
Unfortunately, we were forced to go there, too.
We took a few days to get our strength back and then set sail for the twin peaks, Chills and Headache.
Two valleys below were called Achoo and Coughing Canyon. Some destinations were more fun than others, and we started longing for home but the cruise was not yet over.
Did I forget the one we skipped?
It was called Sore Throat, and that was next to Chills and Headache. Fever was very warm, and those of us used to northern climes did not care for it either.
Once we were homeward bound, we looked forward to getting past Myalgia to nurse our muscle tenderness, and we did not get off the ship to learn about its scenic splendor.
Being from the Midwest, we are landlubbers and do not take to the high seas very well.
Even if you don’t like needles, most of us are happy to take the shot in the arm, now, as it is the lesser of two evils and is over much more quickly and better than experiencing the ocean voyage. Coincidentally, I received a telemarketing call the other day saying I had won a Caribbean cruise (I did not register for it, as the caller implied).
I said, “No, thanks,” and hung up.